Worship is a mysteriously beautiful thing - isn't it? Worship transports me to His throne room like little else. Songs - new and old, the Psalms, reading Scripture, and prayer...are all ways that I enjoy worshipping my Savior.
I got to a point in my depression that worship created a sense of panic inside of me. I seriously struggled with how I was able to worship and sing songs to the Lord when I was fighting this overwhelming sadness and seemingly loss of joy...I felt like I didn't have a right to worship.
I don't know if you've ever been there but the Lord just poured Himself out on me. He sang and rejoiced over me - just as He promises in Zephaniah 3. He reminded me that He is light in the darkness...and that I can stand in Him & His righteousness.
"...dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne...when the darkness seems to hide His face, I rest in His unchanging grace, my anchor holds within the veil...on Christ the solid rock I stand...all other ground is sinking sand...all other ground is sinking sand."
A new friend recently shared "breakthroughs seldom happen without breakdowns" and friends, that's where I am.
I am broken-down, in ways I never have been before...and I'm continually reminded that "broken" is exactly how I need to be. Brokeness creates desperation. And desperation for the One True God is indeed the perfect state to be in. He asks for that to be our sacrifice to Him...a broken spirit; a broken & contrite heart...
"For you do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased with burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise." Psalms 57:16-17
I truly feel that in the midst of this breakdown I am having a breakthrough - that He is delivering me. The main breakthrough is realizing just that. He is ALL that I need. His intentions are never shaken. He sings song of deliverance over me - even in the middle of the breakdowns. His mercy does not end. Worship is a must. What else can I do? It's quite telling of the cry of my heart to know that when I can't put two words together without weeping that my heart can still sing...it can still worship. It's what I was created for.