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March 19, 2014

Lyllian's Birth Story Part 2

*Part 1 of this story has already been posted...you can find it here*

December 14th - 1:45pm - Lyllian Abigail was 19 1/4 inches long and weighed 6lbs 7oz.  We were able to return to our room and around 3pm we were able to see her by ourselves for the first time.  It was such a special time and I was in awe of how little bitty she was!
At 4pm, the nurses came in to get her and take her back to the nursery.  About 15 minutes later, the pediatrician came to my room and told me that Lyllian would need to be admitted to NICU.  He said that her body was not able to regulate her sugar levels and that they were dangerously low.  He wanted to set her up with a glucose IV and monitor her levels.
I was able to go into NICU every 3 hours, hold her, & feed her.  I don't know if I can put into words how much I looked forward to those precious times with her.
Those next few days truly felt like weeks.  My life revolved around 3 hour cycles and anticipating what the most recent sugar level test results were.  It seemed every time that the levels had gotten better, the next time they would get worse.  It was hard.  There were tears & prayers - and lots of both.  
The Lord used those days that she was in NICU to teach me about waiting...about anticipating...in forms that I never imagined.  He led me to examine if my happiness that day would truly come from a test result.  He taught me about His joy and how it supercedes any event that might or might not happen in a day.
After 3 days in NICU, she was kept 2 more days on account of jaundice.

I meditated on her life verse that we had felt led to almost 8 months ago.  

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,  “therefore I will hope in him.” The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him."  Lamentations 3:22-25

Through the tears, I couldn't help but smile to know how accurate this verse was in the midst of what we were going through.  His love NEVER ceases.  His mercies were new - every.single.morning.  He was faithful.  He taught me in brand new ways that He was my portion and He was my only hope.  He was & is & will always be good to those who wait for Him.  
He taught me that His goodness was not the same as a good test result or the same as being discharged from the NICU.  His goodness did not cease to exisit when those things did or did not happen.  His goodness is everlasting.  His goodness is so much bigger than my mind can comprehend.  His goodness was & is perfect and it is present to bring glory to Himself.  
When December 19th rolled around, and the jaundice levels were down & her sugars were regulated to where they needed to be, and the pediatrician signed the release forms for us to take our precious baby girl home...I cried again.  I cried out of joy, out of relief, & out of awe of how our Lord chose to bring this baby into the world.  I cried over my stubborness to learn the things that He tries to teach me.  I cried over all the babies who were still in NICU and the ones who would never be able to go to an earthly home.  I cried over this GIFT.
We drove to our home away from home in Johannesburg and loved & doted on her like we had been wanting to since day 1.  I can honestly say that I am forever grateful for every moment - He taught me so much.  I had prayed at the beginning of December to experience Advent in a new way, that He would wreck my life so that the Advent season would never be the same.  This is not what I had in mind but I know it was the answer to my prayer.  I will never forget those days and I pray I will never forget all that He spoke to my heart.










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