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March 12, 2014

Fear of Failure

Ryleigh has started being "scared" when she goes to bed at night.  There seems to be no reason behind it except "cause I'm scared".  We've prayed, we've sung songs, we've checked for dragons (slightly addicted to Doc McStuffins and Stuffy is the only dragon allowed FYI), & we've given a years worth of hugs and kisses in one night - yet she has still been scared.  Earlier last week, I sat down with her and we read several Bible verses about fear.  We ended with 1 Peter 5:7 and it has become our new memory verse.  My favortie part is that any time we practice it, Ryleigh says, "oh that's about not being afraid mommy...because God cares for me!"  I love it.  Seriously, it doesn't get much better than that.

I know I've mentioned on here before about all the ways the Lord uses Ryleigh to teach me things...and here we are again.  Just this past week, Steve heard me saying something and said, "Nickolee, that's a lie and you're believing it.  No where in the Bible does it say ______ but yet you've convinced yourself it's true."
*Sidenote -- what a gift that man is!*
He was right...and the thing that I was struggling with is believing that I was a failure due to any number of reasons.  The more I struggled with it, the more I realized that it was all deeply rooted in FEAR.  I struggle with a fear of failure.  Sometimes it swallows me to the point that I don't try because I'm so afraid I'll fail.  Othertimes (and seemingly the most common), the fear doesn't appear until after I've already taken that step of faith to do something that I know He's calling me to do.  Suddenly the fear is there and the lie that I've already failed miserably (sometimes before even really starting) is etched deep into my mind and is furiously searching to find it's way into my heart.

Maybe to some of you this sounds ridiculous, but for me, it's real.
Gratefully, I am saved.
I know His truths and one of them is that a spirit of fear is absolutely NOT from Him.  One of the biggest grace gifts I've ever recieved is my salvation at an early age.  That child like faith has allowed God to be my foundation...the scriptures that were memorized all through grade school have only built that faith into a stronger structure.
I can't begin to describe how thankful I am that in the midst of any sin, I still know & believe the Truth - all because of Him.
He is my anchor.
He is my refuge.
He is my stronghold.
He is my victory.

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