Tomorrow we have our end of term language evaluation. I literally feel sick just thinking about it. Hey, just keeping it real.
The ironic thing is that I literally never have felt this way until it came to the world of 2nd languages. Tests, pop quizzes, exams - none of them ever bothered me while I was in school. I often wondered why people worried so much about them. Well friends, now I know.
Basically, this exam will just let me know what areas I need to work on when we come back to the field for our 2nd term. The exam in and of itself is a good thing...but I have a deep desire to do well and the practicality of that happening isn't very great. Most of the time, I feel that Ryleigh speaks English better than I speak Malagasy...and on some days she's more fluent in Malagasy than I am too!
I have always loved to talk (just ask my parents, family, friends, Steve, etc) and still do. Taking that away and suddenly becoming an adult who speaks like a 3 year old is hard. Humbling doesn't even begin to describe it. My desire to become more fluent has not changed...it's just a difficult season to become fluent in.
This morning, instead of stressing about it, I'm trying to take it all in - I'm remembering those things that seemed impossible to communicate 3 years ago, come rather easily now. I'm giving Him the praise for the progress that has been made. He's also reminded me this morning that while it is so important for me to speak the Malagasy heart language...He is their Anchor of Hope - not me or my language abilities (or lack there of). God is our Refuge of Strength, our Righteous Redeemer, and He alone is mighty to save.
So, I ask for your prayers over our evaluations tomorrow - but I also ask for your prayers over the Malagasy people that we come in contact with. Ask Him to use our feeble efforts to bring glory to Himself. Ask that instead of hearing a vazaha sound like a 3 year old, that they would hear His truths and see His love.
Grateful today and everyday that HE alone is our Anchor of Hope!!