I walk in, notice there is not a couch, and sit in a green floral chair. It's one of the highback kind that will forever remind me of the one that sits in my parent's living room...but this one does not recline. I find this funny because I always imagined a counselor's office was required to have a couch...or atleast a reclining chair. Perhaps this isn't going to be exactly like I imagined.
On the way here, I practiced what I would say in my head. I knew what I would need to say to get back home, to make everything okay and to go back to Madagascar. When she walked in and shook my hand, it was a little disarming. She seemed instantly like someone I would be friends with in "real life". I grab the pillow out of the chair to hold in my lap, something that I often don't realize I'm doing until I'm already seated because it's such a habit...and we start talking.
The hour passed faster than I thought it would and it seemed to have passed in quite a blur. However, there's one thing that sticks out...I believe it is a question that will forever be burned into my memory. "How do you think God feels about you thinking that?" She didn't say it in reference to one thought...it was more of a collection of thoughts and over the next 4 weeks it would prove to come up again & again - not just in my sessions but in my personal quiet time as well.
He used that woman & that question to start the process of destroying idols in my heart. Idols that I didn't even recognize as such because they had become such a part of my life. Pride, stubborness, selfishness, other's expectations, the Law (often one I created myself), and the list could go on. As they came to light in my time spent in that green floral chair, I was suprised & reflective, yet because of His grace, I unexpectedly didn't drown in shame.
He met me there.
My God was there to take every single idol away, I watched Him shatter them, and I prayed that I would not spend any time trying to piece them back together. The shame that I had felt before I entered that room for the first time was slowly slipping away and that opening was being filled with His love & acceptance.
Oh, I didn't deserve it - not at all - but that's what He did. He filled me up. He loved on me. My whole world seemed to turn into things He was trying to teach me, trying to show me. He used my family to support, help, & encourage. He used email & facebook to provide a constant stream of encouragement and prayers. He used worship songs and Scripture to speak healing into my soul. He is walking me into more and more of His marvelous light. His light feels so good - like walking into the sun on a cold & windy day. I am grateful beyond words that the Enemy can not take away His light.
The idols have been destroyed.
oh God, how I pray they are never to be seen again.
I am being remade.
Holy Creator, make me more like You.
How amazing to serve a Savior who can both demolish & remake with the same beautiful nail-scared hands