Where Would You Like To Go?

March 21, 2012

Satisfaction

My favorite verse for as long as I can remember has been Psalms 73:25-26
"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
And also for as long as I can remember, the Lord continually uses it to teach me something new about whatever He has going on in my life at that moment.  Perhaps sometimes I forget the truth that “His word is alive and active”.
I am a “doer” more often than not.  I am an organizer.  I get satisfaction from completing tasks.  Are these bad qualities?  No, not in and of themselves – but they become bad when I use them to determine the value of who I am and the relationships that I am a part of.
The Lord has used the past 9 months in ways that I could have never fathomed.  He has been teaching me about satisfaction.  He’s shown me how I find my satisfaction and how I SHOULD find my satisfaction – in Him alone.  Oh, how easy it is to type that sentence…how much harder it is for me to actually live it out!! 
There are days that I struggle with the joy that I daily find in being a mom.  Why struggle with having joy?   I struggle because I feel like I should be doing “more”.  I feel like there should be a list of accomplishments at the end of every day...that I shouldn't have joy unless I have proof of these said accomplishments.
 I’m a missionary.  
I live in a foreign country.
 I am in the process of learning a 2nd language. 
I am surrounded by those who have no idea that there is a God who loves them. 
But what do I spend my days doing?  I change diapers.  I clean up messes.  I say “no mam”-- a lot.  I push a stroller.  I play with toys.  I watch Elmo.  I give kisses.  I receive kisses.  I read Ryleigh's favorite books.  I laugh at my precious baby girl. 
There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t truly love doing each of these things.
However, there is seemingly a constant nagging in my mind that I’m not doing enough to be able to find satisfaction at the end of every day.  That I’m not doing enough to be worthy of being called a child of His.  That I'm not doing enough to receive His love.
My husband, whom the Lord uses in SO many ways in my life, called these thoughts out for what they are – LIES.  Lies from the father of lies. 
The Father of TRUTH tells me over and over in His word that there is nothing I can do to ever be worthy.  I can only dive head first into His grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love.  He has called me His child – nothing can change that.  There is nothing I can do or not do that will undo the salvation He has freely given me. 
He has called me to be a mother.  He has called me to spend time teaching our daughter about Him and His love.  He has called me to this season in life.  He has also called me to be here in Madagascar while doing it.  He has called me to minister to others WHILE being a mom.  He calls me to do all things for His glory.  He says that I am enough - without any to do lists, or tasks to be completed.  Living the life He has called me to, loving Him completely and totally - that is enough.
My satisfaction, my sense of worth, my peace, and my joy
-should not come from any of these things-
-should never come from my to do list-
it should only come from Him. 
 From the One whom nothing on this earth holds a candle to.  He’s teaching me and I understand – now I just have to apply it – will you join me in praying for the application of this in my life?

1 comment:

  1. Preach it. Love your honest words, Nickolee.

    ReplyDelete

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