Where Would You Like To Go?

December 10, 2013

While She Sleeps

Her energy seems to be boundless during the day.  Her imagination runs wild and free...I sit and watch and wonder fills me. She is curious about everything and the connections she makes between Bible stories, Disney Jr shows, Malagasy words, and Bible verses would surely bring a smile to anyone's face. I think about what I whisper to her as much as I can remember to..."God's plans for you are perfect Ryleigh, He desires to do amazing things through your life."  I wonder what those plans will entail for this bright eyed & always giggling toddler.

A normal day of that much energy has it's fair share of seeing the things she "gets" from her momma - the emotional breakdowns, the tantrums over seemingly insignificant things, and that stubborn pride that holds fast to what she thinks is right even in the midst of being told she's wrong.  Its when those moments start piling up that I start counting down to her nap time or bed time...waiting out the hours or minutes that are left until there will be a certain stillness in our home again.  That time where the questions of "why momma?" will be silenced at least for a little while.

The funny thing is that once she's asleep, I miss her.  No matter how much I wanted her to be in bed thirty minutes before, I miss knowing what's going on in that little brain of hers.  I miss the constant hugs, kisses, and "I love yous" or in her case it is always "I miss yous".  I am filled with the memory of how she runs to me and buries her head into my side telling me how much she has missed me even if I was only out of the room for a moment.

While she sleeps, I tend to reflect over my shortcomings inside that particular day.  I wonder about if it really matters if I pick her up or not while I'm pregnant and that maybe I should have said "yes" just that one time.  I think about the times that I disciplined her out of my own frustrations and lack of patience instead of out of Mercy & Grace.  I wonder what any other mom would think if they saw what she ate for lunch that day.  I think back to the words & tone of voice I used when talking to her daddy - wonder if I'm showing her what our marriage is supposed to be a reflection of.

That reflection time is often turned into cries of prayer out to my Father - that He would grant me His wisdom in raising that peaceful sleeping girl.  I pray for forgiveness of when I point her away from His cross and towards the world.  I beg for my insecurities and my misguided words to all be put through His holy sifter before reaching her ears and her eyes.  I ask that He be glorified through me and that He be glorified through her.

It's pretty amazing how rested I can feel when she wakes - almost as if I have forgotten how tiring it all can be...it may not take long to remember but gratefully, thankfully, I have His ever equipping Spirit right there inside of me.

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