You're Beautiful BUT...

I honestly do not think a day has gone by since I met Steve 9 1/2 years ago that he has not told me that I'm beautiful.  I'd like to say that I always have believed him...but that's not the case.  Somewhere along the way, it just became something he said to me and I would hear all types of things attached to it in my mind that he never thought, much less said.

You're beautiful...
but not as beautiful as so and so
but only to me
but only because I'm your husband
but you could stand to lose some weight
but in a different way than you used to be
on the inside and that's all that counts

and sadly the list could go on and on.  Just this past week, I was in a particular "self pity" type of mood and I told him that I wish he would just honestly say what I knew had to be going on in his head.  I turned away from him so he could be honest and not see the fear (of what I knew was coming) written on my face.  After a few moments of silence, I turned to see if he was even still there, and he looked straight into my eyes and said, "I tell you every single day, but you still don't believe me".

Those words stayed with me all day long, and when I climbed into bed that night, they plauged my thoughts.  When did I start thinking that my husband was a liar?  When did I stop trusting his words? When did I start attaching clauses to what he said out loud?

Strangely, I was feeling convicted and I wasn't sure why...until the Lord connected the dots for me.  For every time I rolled my eyes or simply didn't believe that he was telling the WHOLE truth - I was disrespecting Steve.  I was telling him with or without words that I didn't trust his thoughts or his words.  I suddenly realized how overwhelmingly devestating this could be to our marriage.  Perhaps, I've caused him to wonder if I doubted everything he said - not just the statements about me.

These thoughts soon turned into how I treat the words of the Lord.  Do I dismiss things that He says are Truth?  Do I add clauses (laws) onto the grace & forgiveness that He gives?  Do I show distrust in my actions or words to what the Lord has said?

You are loved...
but I can't forgive that
but you need to do better
but only when you are successful
but that sin made Me love you less

Desiring to live free of the lies and find rest in His truth...maybe then, I will be able to do the same with Steve.  Thankful that His compassions are never ending.